Processing disappointment

How do you guys process disappointment? I’ve realised I tend to internalise things, letting them build up and up and up until I either lash out or someone says something kind to me and I dissolve into tears (and believe me, that’s so not pretty… aside: why is it some people can cry prettily and not others? Unfair, I say!), or I break into print.

This past weekend we had the very proud joy of travelling about five hours south of where we live to watch our youngest participate in a National Netball Tournament. She’d worked really hard to be selected for the squad our region sent down, as had all the other girls selected. So you can imagine her disappointment, and ours, when she spent all but two seven and a half minute quarters out of nine games sidelined. Now I can understand the coach has to put on her strongest team on the day, and it must be a heck of a difficult separating what you know works for the team from a phalanx of deeply disappointed supporters on the sideline who spent hundreds of dollars, took time of work, travelled hours etc. to watch their babies play a game they’re intensely passionate about succeeding in.  These National tournaments can be a showcase for their talents as National selectors scout for new talent. It’s very hard to spot talent when it’s been sidelined.

Now, my husband doesn’t internalise disappointment. He lets it simmer, he presents his frustration to close friends (who travelled an hour in bad weather to see our girl play) and family, which is a safe outlet, and then he fronts up to the source of the disappointment — in this case, the coach. Colour me very worried. This is so not following sport protocol. In the end it turned out very well. He was civil (big sigh of relief from me) very civil in fact and the coach thanked him for talking to her and said she appreciated how he felt and that he felt he was obliged to speak out but that she had to put on her best team and that’s what she was sticking to.

Our daughter handled her disappointment very well. She continued, very loudly, to give her team excellent sideline support, continued to help other girls warm up prior to being subbed on court, and despite everything remained positive in the public forum. She ended up with a mini meltdown one night, in private, and then spent time shoring herself back up again with her team mates and girls from another team who were staying at the same venue.

Overall, even though we barely got to see her play, I’m incredibly proud of her. Officials from the netball centre where her club plays commented to me several times about how proud they were of her for her positive attitude in the face of her getting a total of 15 minutes court time in four days of play.

The whole experience has got me to thinking about how we process disappointments in our writing as well, whether as unpublished writers receiving a rejection or published ones getting a rotten review, and it’s brought me to the conclusion that we all have our own way of processing our disappointment.  Some people rant and wail in a public forum (or several public forums), some keep their sorrows to themselves — or only share them with those close to them, and others front up to the source of their disappointment. I don’t know that there’s a right or a wrong way to deal with things like this, but in the long run, it’s how we show how we deal to the world that sets us apart.